


Ligma

by tbat



Category: Xenoblade Chronicles 2 (Video Game)
Genre: it's an intoxicating feeling, you ever just...want to shitpost horrendously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 09:02:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16552859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tbat/pseuds/tbat
Summary: Zeke cruelly ruins Pyra's life.





	Ligma

**Author's Note:**

> I APOLOGISE FOR NOTHING

"Hey, Pyra, you got a moment?" Zeke approached her, a serious expression on his face. Anyone who had spent longer than half a day around Zeke knew that the more serious his expression, the less important whatever he was about to say was. Pyra had yet to fully grasp this concept, despite Mythra's loud coaching on the matter.

"Hm? What is it, Zeke?"

"Well, I had a message from my chum to pass along to you..."

"From Rex?" Pyra said with a small tilt of her head. If it was from Rex, it had to be important, she thought. And then said rather more firmly to Mythra, who was already instructing her to drop this conversation before it was too late.

"Indeed," Zeke said in a grave voice. Mythra reminded Pyra that Zeke was speaking in a grave voice and to  _please_  stop talking to him, you  _have_  to know where this is going.

"You see, my chum...he instructed me to tell you, Pyra,  _you_  specifically, that he wants you to ligma."

"Um...what's ligma?" Pyra asked, perfectly setting Zeke up like the easy mark she was.

A triumphant grin spread across Zeke's face.

Mythra screamed several obscentities.

* * *

Rex placed his pen on his inn room's only desk, satisfied with today's writing. Even after meeting Pyra and being slightly preoccupied with all the people trying to stab him or her or both of them, Rex still tried to find time to write in his journal. He chronicled his thoughts, his feelings, his hopes and dreams, at some point he'd started doodling little stick figures of him and Pyra holding hands in the margins but he tried not to dwell on this habit too much. The little love hearts above their heads were a total accident.

Stick figure Rex was usually a full head taller than Pyra. Rex always did like to dream big. Sometimes literally.

He heard the door fly open at an awkward middle-ground between a slam and gently pushing it ajar. That must be Pyra. Mythra would just slam it.

"Rex, I-I...I can't believe you'd say something so...so  _crude_!"

Wait, why was she mad? What'd he do? More importantly, Pyra didn't normally sound this  _distraught_. Her voice was shaking with every word, like she was holding back tears and not doing that great a job of it.

He swivelled round to face her. Her eyes were red. Well, the bad kind of red, as opposed to her normally rather nice redness. There were in fact tears trying to squeeze themselves out of the corners of her eyes. Whatever had happened, she was  _really_  upset.

"Uh...I haven't said anything yet." He got out of his seat and walked towards her. "What's wrong?"

"You know what's wrong! Y-you said you want me to...to lick...your...your..."

"My, uh...what?"

Pyra informed him, with some difficulty, exactly what he was allegedly interested in her licking.

Rex made a series of horrified, guttural sounds that his throat shouldn't have been capable of producing.

* * *

"Zeke, why did you tell her that!?"

Zeke took a swig from his mug, letting out a content sigh at the flavour. Tantal's finest apple juice. Pandoria had banned him from drinking alcohol. Not for any particular transgression, just because his reaction was funny. He glanced up towards the pair, already smirking. Their faces were somehow simultaneously pale yet red with embarrassment, as though they'd seen a flirtatious ghost.

"Something the matter, chaps?"

"You know what the matter is, Zeke! I'd never tell Pyra something like that!" Rex said, hands on his hips and glaring at Zeke.

"That's right, Rex would never tell me something like that and I would never, ever believe it for a moment!" Pyra followed up, hands and enraged facial expression perfectly matching Rex's. A moment later she murmured "i-it was an honest mistake, Mythra" defensively.

Zeke placed his hands behind his head, leaning back in his chair with the proud confidence of a man who knows he's done his job and done it well.

"Oh, that? Just a bit of fun, chaps. No harm in that, is there?"

The haunted look in Pyra's eyes, as if she'd never be able to look at pairs of round objects the same way again, suggested that there'd been quite a bit of harm, but Zeke wasn't about to let that spoil his day.

"It's not very nice to trick people, you know. Especially Pyra," Rex added, shamelessly playing favourites.

Zeke shifted back into a more sensible sitting position, a new Serious Expression gracing his face. Mythra pre-emptively revved up her warnings, pleading with Pyra to learn from her mistakes.

"Well, my sincerest apologies to both of you. Tell you what, how about I make it up to you, and treat you both to a bit of bofa?"

"Uh...what's bofa?" Rex asked recklessly.

From that day forth, both Pyra and Rex vowed to never ask Zeke what any unfamiliar words he said meant. This did not save them from Pandoria asking if they wanted some sugon, but it kept them safe for a short time.


End file.
